Our Precious Valentines Day Bundle Of Joy.....Welcome Brant Christian Bugbee!!

Well it is safe to say that the Bugbee family had a pretty life changing day on Valentines Day 2011. :) We welcomed our baby boy, Brant Christian, into the world about 7 weeks early. It was a combination of fear, excitement, concern, uncertainty, overwhelming love, joy, pride, and hope. I have never felt so much pain and so many emotions in one week in my entire life. We have had hundreds of people praying for our family and reaching out to us for the past 2 weeks...and I cannot even begin to express our gratitude to you. WOW! You all have been unbelievable!! You have way surpassed my expectations and have continued to lift our family up, and I have never felt prayers the way that I have during this time. God is so good…and he is hearing them!! THANK YOU!!

Many, many people have asked us to fill them in on all of the craziness of being admitted to the hospital, why we had Brant 7 weeks early, how I am healing, what life in the NICU is like, etc. So I thought it might be so much easier if I just wrote a blog post and shared with everyone at the same time. I hope that is ok with all of you. We apologize for taking so long to get this update out. We are trying to adjust to our new world and what all that means….but we are sorry to have left anyone in the dark. The last thing that you want to do when you have amazing people all over praying for you is to leave them out of the updates. :) I also forget that not everyone has Facebook. :)

Here goes our story (apologies for the length of it)…… :)
For the most part I had a very uneventful pregnancy with Brant. Unlike mine with Braden, I was sicker with Brant…but really not a big deal in the grand scheme of 9-10 months. I was so thankful that everything was perfect every time we had a doctor’s visit, ultrasound, etc. My doc and I had already started talking about inducing me at Week 38 or 39 so I could be guaranteed that she would deliver me. We had talked about how easy everything was with Braden and how this delivery would probably be so much quicker, etc. I was excited!!

At my Week 30 appt, my belly was measuring about a week and a ½ big…so my doc mentioned going ahead and doing an ultrasound at my Week 32 one. I was excited to see Brant again so of course I obliged. So on Friday, 2/11 we headed into the doc office for my Week 32 appt and our ultrasound. Everything was really normal at the beginning of the ultrasound and she told me that Brant was head down and in the perfect position..ready to go. She measured his head first and it was measuring right on track at 32 weeks. Then things went downhill from there. She went to measure his stomach, legs, etc, and she had a very puzzled and concerned look on her face. Apparently his body was only measuring about 28 weeks….so it was about 4 weeks or so behind where it should be. I remember thinking “how could this be?” The room was instantly solemn as she was trying to figure out what could be going on. She kept re-measuring and shaking her head in disbelief. All of a sudden she said “We need you to see a perinatologist TODAY b.c we have to figure out what is going on asap.” I think that was the point in which Chris and I panicked. We had no idea what was going on but we knew it was not good. She ran out to call the perinatologist and told us to wait for her to come back. She came back and told us that the perinatologist office was closed on Fridays so we would have to be admitted to the hospital so that he could see me today. That would be the only way that he would be able to come in and check me, etc.

Well anyone who knows me AT ALL knows that I am completely and utterly TERRIFIED of the hospital. I already have really bad “white coat syndrome” where my blood pressure sky rockets when I am in the doctor’s office…but especially in the hospital. And now you are telling that I have to check in and we have no idea when I will get out? WHAT? I was sweating bullets!!! I was super emotional and everything that comes along with being told you are being admitted to the hospital and they don’t know what is wrong with your baby. We also did not know how long we would be in there. Would it be a couple of hours until the perinatologist came? Would it be for one night and then released? Would I have to be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy in the hospital? Would I have to deliver him super early? I had no idea what the best option even was but I knew that I was not happy about any of those arrangements!

So we waited and waited for the doc to show up…and in the meantime they had already taken things in to their own hands in Labor and Delivery. They had already started me on a blood pressure medication (b.c I was so freaked out), magnesium (worst drug EVER!!), steroid shots to help Brant’s lungs just in case he needed to be delivered early, and IV (most miserable thing ever), and put a catheter in b.c I was not going to really be able to get out of bed on magnesium (they tell you it is going to make you feel like you have a bad hangover, and that you are dizzy and very weak). REALLY? So all of this was happening fast, and I was so shaky and just overall not in a good place.

The perinatologist finally showed up along with my OB and he did an ultrasound. He looked at Brant in great detail and he was very calm. He basically got the same exact measurements as my OB, and he showed that Brant was estimated to weigh about 2 lbs 10 oz at delivery (due to the growth restriction which was placing his body at about 28 weeks and his head at 32 weeks). He said he actually looked really good and his breathing and heart rate were great, etc. He showed us the blood flow through the placenta, and that was actually the telltale sign that something was wrong. The blood was flowing in fine to him but was not flowing out right. So something was wrong with that whole picture. Basically he gave us a very simple message which was “Brant is not going to grow anymore in utero, so there is no reason to keep him in there. We need to get him out and grow him in the NICU.” Then he turned to my OB and said “We need to schedule a c-section for Monday morning.” Um…what? I was not thinking anything about a c-section at this point b.c I did not have one with Braden. In fact, I think I had one of the easiest deliveries on the planet..and now a c-section? I was so sad even though I knew for sure it was what we needed to do for our little man. The only really awesome part about all of it was that no one blinked an eye about Brant being delivered 7 weeks early. Docs and nurses alike all said he would be just great, that the NICU would take good care of him, and that there should be no long term effects from him being born as a premie. So that part was very comforting. The NICU also came by our room and told us that a Week 33 baby was a big baby in their eyes, and that he would be in good hands. They also told us that there were two types of growth restricted babies-symetrical and asymetrical. You wanted to have asymetrical (which is what Brant was) where his head was measuring larger than his body. That meant that all of the blood flow he was getting was being used to grow his brain...so he would like be very developed in that area by the time he was born. Then all they would have to do is help his body play catch up and "grow him".

So just like that…we had orders and a plan. We were delivering our baby at 33 weeks via c-section on Valentine’s Day morning. And that was that. Sheesh! They wanted me to stay in the hospital all weekend to remain on the IV and do the steroid shots every 24 hours, etc. I also needed to have blood draws every 6-12 hours to monitor the magnesium level for Brant and I, as it can be toxic. And then the docs left to go and enjoy their weekends…and there we were just sitting in disbelief. I did not know what to think or do or feel. I was just kind of numb and drugged up…not a good place to be. :( The weekend seemed to pass so slowly…and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I just hated spending the weekend in a hospital room but I kept reminding myself that it could be so much worse. There are people that have to spend many weeks, even months, in there on bed rest. Oh how I feel for those folks.

We had lots of friends and family come by to see us while were in there that weekend…and we greatly appreciated that. By Sunday night I was super ansy and ready to get this show on the road. Little did I know what kind of pain I was about to encounter or I might have wanted to wait longer.

Monday morning came and we were scheduled for 8 am. Of course that got pushed back due to some emergency c-sections....but by 9 am we were on our way to the operating room. I have never seen a room so bright in my life. They got me over to the OR table and gave me the spinal. Never fun but necessary. Then I laid down in got in position for the big c-section....just in time to go completley numb. And that is when things started to get a little blurry. I think just all the drugs in my system and all the stuff that is in the spinal….I was soooo tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. They had told me that it would be about 30 min once we got in there until we were able to meet our son…and then about another 30 min to get everything stiched up and get me into recovery. Well that is how it is SUPPOSED to go at least….but unfortunately that was not how it was for me.

As far as the actual delivery of Brant…that part was fine. He was born at 9:37 am. :) They had him out quickly and he came out crying…PRAISE JESUS!! That was one of the things that they had warned us about…that he might not be breathing on his own when he came out. Ugh…more to worry about I thought! But he did!! And that is when we knew that we had a fighter on our hands…and that he was going to be ok. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I tried to watch them get him cleaned up and stablized over on the table across the room. I could not tell how small he was but I was just praying that he was at least the 2 lb 10 oz weight that they had mentioned earlier in the weekend. They called out his weight at 2 lbs 4 oz, and 15 inches long. Even though I did not know exactly what that meant, I just got really sad again. Probably b.c my mind started racing thinking about the fact that he would be in the NICU longer now that he was even smaller. After they brought him over to me and I was able to get a really quick look at him, Chris and the team left to go and take care of Brant up in the NICU nursery. And there I was just laying on the OR table all by myself waiting, waiting, waiting. Hours passed and I was still not in recovery. I was in and out, in and out…but knew that something was not quite right. Finally I heard my OB say that she had called in another doc to help her with the stitching. That did not quite make sense to me as I knew that I had been laying open on that OR table for way longer than I was supposed to. Come to find out, they were having issues with getting the uterus to stop bleeding every time they would try to close it up. So they would close it up and place it back into its home, only to find that it was bleeding again on one side. So they would take it out again and start over. Wow…I was going to be unbelievably sore!! So finally they got that all resolved and were able to get me all finished up.

I was finally in recovery sometime between 11-12. I have never been so thirsty in my life! I felt like I could drink gallons of water. In recovery my mom and Chris came to see me. That is when Chris told me that they all had been a little bit worried out in the waiting room since it had taken so long in the OR. They would not let him back in or tell him what was going on...so he was getting a little freaked out. I talked to both of them for awhile, and that is when the itching started. Oh yes…I was having a reaction to the spinal…good times. I could not stop itching everywhere. I was also shaking like crazy and really ready to get to my post partum room and into my bed.

Finally after noon that day I was into a room and settled into bed. My OB came in and told us all about the c-section and also revealed the source of Brant’s issues-the placenta. She said was not healthy at all and calcified, hardened, and nothing much was getting through. Can a mother feel any worse guilt than that? I don’t think so. I was a mess! I know there was nothing I could have done and it was more than likely a fluke thing…..but they were going to send the placenta off to pathology just to be safe, and have it checked out.

And there began another 5 days of many drugs, pain like I have never felt before, much dependence on nurse’s, my mom, and Chris like crazy, trying to get to the NICU to see my new son, missing Braden, and the inevitable emotional roller coaster. The last 5 days in the hospital were really a blur. Between the pain, lots of meds, and many different people taking care of me, I really in a weird place. I would go back and forth between crying to smiling when I thought about Brant, to being so thankful that Chris would spend 8 nights in the hospital with me, to wondering how what our new life would be like and how I would handle it.

During that 5 days after the c-section, I had a lot of tests and stuff run just to see if they could figure out the growth restriction and what had happened to the placenta. I had to take some drugs to get rid of the itching from the spinal and needed help up and down anywhere that I went. I was finally able to go and meet Brant in the NICU the day AFTER my c-section. I could barely keep my eyes open in the wheelchair.....and I was completely shocked when they help him up for me to see. He was skin and bones...literally. He was so incredibly tiny and I was overcome with emotion. Was he going to be ok? Was he really going to grow and grow fast? Would I be able to pump enough milk to feed him or would he be on donor milk? How long would we have to come to the NICU and have our lives split between our two boys being in different places? Would I use up my 12 weeks of maternity leave before I even had much time to spend with him at home? We had so much to learn about this new life...and it just seemed so overwhelming to me.

I adore my OB and she came in to visit me twice per day...even as late as 8 pm just to check on me. She would also go and see Brant too. I think that was her way of being supportive and I appreciated it so much! I know that she was as shocked as I was that things turned out this way. She told me in the end that there really was not explanation to the placenta turning out the way it did..and it just had to be a fluke thing. She told me that if I wanted to have more kids that there was no indication that I would have this issue again. Basically every pregnancy was different and there was not any more of a chance of something like happening just b.c you had it in the past. That part was reassuring!!

I started to feel a little better as the days went by. A lot of folks had asked to come by the hospital but for some reason I just could not do it. Between feeling so awful and literally falling asleep constantly, I just did not think that I could socialize with anyone during that week. It made me sad but I knew that it would be so hard to try and focus on any type of conversation. Thank you to everyone that reached out to come up to the hospital...it meant so much to me!

I went through a few more things before being discharged on Friday the 18th. I remember the infamous shower where they pulled the bandage off from the c-section. OH. MY. GOSH!!! WHAT? I think I almost passed out!! I remember trying to go down to the NICU to see Brant on some sort of regular schedule. I remember breaking out into some rash on Thursday night before discharge on Friday. I was allergic to the steri-strips that they used on my incision so I had to go on steroids to clear that up as well. I remember trying to think through all of the things that I had scheduled the week of his birth, and trying to call and cancel them while also trying to connect with work, and trying to get my maternity leave started as soon as possible.

In the end we knew that we were covered in prayer and there was no way that this whole experience would end up being anything but blessed. And there is no doubt that it has been. It has been a huge life changing experience for Chris and I...and we are so grateful to have come out on the other side. All I can say is that God is soooo good...and we feel like Brant is our miracle baby. :) We are completely in love with this little guy..and he just melts our hearts. We cannot seem to get up to the NICU to spend enough time with him. What joy he has already added to our family!! We love you Brant...and we are soooo glad you came early so that we were able to meet you so much sooner. :) You are a gift. :)

I will have to write about our life in the NICU in another post as I have already taken up lots of space in this one. :) Thank you again for your prayers, all of the prayer lists that you put us on, the notes, cards, texts, gifts, amazing flowers, phone calls, etc over the past 2 weeks. You are all unbelieveable and we love you!! :)

Just a couple of pics of our sweet baby boy over the past 2 weeks. ;)
Getting ready for the OR.....

Right after delivery in the NICU nursery...
Day 2.....Loving his dad already... :)
Little mother/son time.....Day 6. Kangaroo care.....Wearing his shades during the time that they were using the lights to prevent jaundice...Day 10.......

Time for more bottle feeding!! Day 11....
So cute b.c he crosses his feet just like Braden did/does. :)